Kiersten Roy

You know those people who have everything planned out? Like, they’ve got their 5-year life plan and they know exactly which restaurants they’ll visit during their next trip (which doesn’t take place for 3 more months).

Yeah, that was me.

It wasn’t just that I liked to have a plan. In some ways, I needed it. Having a plan helped me feel secure because at least if there was some structure, I wouldn’t have to face the big and scary unknown or trust myself to figure it out. At the time, it was simply more familiar to plan my life out to a T.

Looking back now, though, I see that my drive to have a plan was more than a personality quirk…it was a way to survive. A way to create certainty in an uncertain world and attempt to avoid the discomfort of not knowing what the future held (or worse, realizing there was a possibility that things might fall apart because I wasn’t actually in control).

---

Saying “Yes” to New Opportunities

When I tell people I lived in Serbia for a year, I usually get one of two reactions:

“Wow! Serbia!”

or

“Wow…Serbia?”

Truthfully, I knew nothing about the country prior to moving there. In fact, it was a real eye-opener that I needed to brush up on my world geography.

My spouse had received a job opportunity that would take us to Europe, and within two months of hearing about the possibility, it had been decided – we were moving to Serbia.

And just four months later – we were there.

Of course, I didn’t know it at the time, but what I thought was just another step in our carefully planned-out life was about to undo the plan entirely.

An Exciting Start

At first, it was all very exciting. New smells, new foods, new experiences just waiting to be had.

Oh, and the travel! If I’m honest, that was one of the things I was most excited about when it came to moving abroad. I had it all planned out (obviously). We’d tackle one new country a month, either with a simple weekend trip or a longer excursion. In one year, we’d have conquered the continent!

I was ready…or so I thought.

I couldn’t have known that 3 months after arriving in Belgrade, my spouse and partner of 10 years would ask for a separation.

I couldn’t have known that overnight I would be utterly alone in a country where I didn’t know a single soul or speak the language.

I couldn’t have known that the dreams I had of traveling the continent together would become a decision of whether I wanted to travel them alone, or pack my bags and go back to what was familiar (if familiar even existed anymore).

Suddenly, this “new chapter” I thought we were writing together became a blank page I hadn’t asked for.

There’s no way to sugarcoat it…it was devastating.

There were nights I cried myself to sleep and days I didn’t even bother hiding my tears in public. I spent hours obsessing over what I could have done differently and looking for even the smallest slivers of hope that we could still reconcile.

And yet, even as our impending divorce loomed over me and I rode the waves of heartbreak, life started giving me glimpses of something else.

The Unexpected Duality

While there were a lot of painful things I couldn’t have known moving to Belgrade, there were a lot of healing things as well.

I couldn’t have known that while stumbling my way through blinding grief, I would meet friends who felt like family – people who would love and support me, and say just the right thing when I needed to hear it most.

I couldn’t have known that in a foreign country, where I was more alone than ever, I would somehow feel more at home than ever before.

I couldn’t have known that I would travel to some of the most incredible places and have experiences that allowed me to see the world as so much bigger than myself (ok, maybe that part I did kind of know…or at least hoped for).

But most of all, what I could never have known was that this year abroad would strip away every illusion of certainty and control I had in my life, and in doing so, give me back the truest version of myself. That not just my life, but also my mind would be fundamentally altered and that I would emerge with a perspective that felt both new and familiar…like someone I’d been all along.

---

What Belgrade Taught Me

When people ask me what it was like living in Belgrade, I say that it was transformative. But even that doesn’t feel like it fully encapsulates the experiences I had while living there.

The city transformed me physically, mentally, and emotionally. It gave me both heartbreak and healing. It revealed my ability to survive the unknown and find joy in the process. And it taught me that sometimes life’s most beautiful moments take place in the most unexpected places.

These days, I still like a good plan, but I no longer need one in order to feel safe. In fact, sometimes not having one allows me to feel free, and that is the best kind of beautiful.

---

If you made it this far, thank you. It truly means so much to me that you took the time to read my story.

If you want to follow along for more posts like this, you can subscribe below for email updates or if you prefer Substack, you can also find me there.